I'm a specialist. Wait a sec, no I'm not.


the members of an orchestra

violins I: we're the superstars fuck everyone else its all about us
violins II: why do we always get the boring parts
flutes: we're so lonely
piccolo: lol fk your ears
french horns: and im not even french hONHONHON BAGUETTE
oboes: IM SORRY I TUNED BEFORE I SWEar
violas: evERYONE ALWAYS FKUCING FRORGETS ABOUT US
trumpets: wats 'p'
trombones: wats quiet
cellos: im either boring af or exciting af and there is no in between
bassoons: im so posh but i really just honk like a truck
clarinet: *squeaks*
timpani: EVERYONE LOVES ME BOM BOM BOM BOM BOM BOM BOM
bass clarinet: lol where am i
tuba: *waits for a wagner piece to do something exciting*
harp: im just a more sophisticated piano
piano: FUCK YOU HARP I GET CONCERTOS WRITTEN FOR ME SCREW EVERYTHING WHO NEEDS AN ORCHESTRA WHEN YOU CAN PLAY EVERYTHING ON ME IM THE STAR OF EVERYTIHNG
english horn: im literally only useful for dvorak's 9th like what am even i doing here
basses: semibreves, tied to a semibreve, tied to a minim, tied to a crotchet, oh wait a quaver wow exciting ok back to semibreves
cornets: trumpet wannabe
cymbals: BOOM CRASH CRASH CRASH CRASH IM SRO HAPYP CRASH CRAHS
saxophones: i never get a good part until a jazzy piece is performed which is never
xylophones: am i meant to be here?
triangles:
bass drum: MY TIME TO SHINE FUCK YOU ALL

shitwine:

Going to bed on the last day of summer vacation

image

He can’t win. That’s because our masked bandit is a coward. Yeah. He never took an oath, he’s a fake. He’s a liar and a coward.

kanyelifevest:

who’s iggy iglesias

bitchiel:

justaddtommy:

i think we’re out of ink

have you tried turning it on and off again

bitchiel:

justaddtommy:

i think we’re out of ink

have you tried turning it on and off again

pocket full of GOLD
      and I h o p e you’ll find 
              i hope you’ll find your dream
                      and DARLING never settle, settle, settle

chapmen:

literally wtf the fuck

psychoshango:

you ever notice how in women’s razor commercials the models’ legs are already completely hairless before they “shave” them

like we can’t even handle showing body hair in a commercial about how to get rid of body hair

sirenboy:

image

dude i hope you know that “je suis le pain” translates into “i am the bread”